Steve...toby...we Need To Talk. Options

[simpleton01]

I have a confession, guys. I'm spending all my time here in the "Talk Amongst Yourselves" section of the forum, because, well, frankly, I haven't really heard that many of the APE albums yet. I say "yet" because I want you to understand that it is my goal to listen to more of the stuff, but it's like third (okay, sixth) on my "list of goals" that I keep in my underwear drawer.

But you see, gentlemen, there's a recession going on. And I'm scared that if I spend all my money on CD's, I'll get fired from my job for spending too much time on the Internet, and I won't have any money saved for food and paying bills and buying wine and cable TV. So it may take me awhile to start contributing to the other sections of the forum where you'll find all the Pelle posts, like in Veda Hille.

Is that okay?

Or do you just want me to leave right now?

Face it, I'm not really contributing to the commerce of this site. I'm really just kind of a freeloader. And it's kind of making me depressed, and I'm not really keeping up on personal hygiene or anything right now. And I'm pretty sure Mrs. simpleton01 is having an affair with Mr Tein, because she keeps calling me "Martin," even though my real name is "Norbert."

So things aren't really going all that well. I'd like to write a song about it, but I can't really play any istruments very well, and my computer is all fucked up and I can't buy a Mac for the afore-mentioned reasons. So I continue with the downward spiral, into the ice-green foam. And you don't even care, you bastards, you just snicker and point and process Pelle's Visa payments and send out his packages. Whatever. Some day my ship will come in, you just wait. And I'll sign Veda Hille to may own record label. Assuming I like her stuff. Which I assume I will.

This post has been edited by simpleton01: Mar 3 2009, 08:57 PM

[Keltik]

*sob* That was so brave. I didn't have the guts to say it myself. Right with ya, bro. *not-too-hard punch on Simps's shoulder*

[daisy]

steve may fall for all that whiney shit, simp, but you better be careful. I hear Toby has a short fuse and if you don't watch out he's gonna come and slap you around - give you something to cry about.

[simpleton01]

That daisy - she's all about tough love. Which gets me hot. Grrr.

[Kendley]

steve may fall for all that whiney shit, simp, but you better be careful. I hear Toby has a short fuse and if you don't watch out he's gonna come and slap you around - give you something to cry about.

But it'll be for your own good, simps, and you'll probably feel bad when he says "yer makin' me haffta dew et naow -- ah get no pleasure from et."

Poor Toby. His slapping hand will be all chafed when he's finished with simps. Can we pitch in and get him a soap-and-lotion basket or something?

[Mr Tein]

(IMG:style_emoticons/default/blink.gif) How did he find out we were so carefull (IMG:style_emoticons/default/unsure.gif)

[saturnboy]

What is REALLY weird is that Mrs.simpleton01 keeps calling ME Martin as well!

[spidermage]

Have you guys noticed that we have a new moderator - the mysterious tbarker?

My guess is that he's been drafted in because the other two cannot handle simpleton alone.

[Keltik]

Have you guys noticed that we have a new moderator - the mysterious tbarker?

My guess is that he's been drafted in because the other two cannot handle simpleton alone.

Bring it ON!!
" And in the red corner, the Missoula Mauler, Simpleton01, fighting to retain his crown as the all-time Forum Heavyweight Champeen of the Werrrrrld!"
"And in the blue corner, errrm...three unidentified English chaps."
*DING DING*......Round One!

[simpleton01]

Now, now, me and steve and toby and tbarker are all friends here. No competition for each other whatsoever!

Oh sure, we have our little scrapes and rhubarbs now and then, but who doesn't?

But when the factory whistle blows at 5:00 p.m., and we grab our lunch pails and head out the door, we are mates again. Often we head down to the Goat's Thistle Head Virgin Horse Pub, and have a few pints. (Tbarker, steve says it's your turn to buy. I'm not taking sides here, I'm just passing along information. No need to get uptight.) Toby is a master at darts. Champion of the Goat's Thistle Head Virgin Horse league three years running.

However, at the pool table, I am king. Which is odd, since I never play pool. But I seem to get better after each pint. Or steve and toby and the "t-man," as we call him, all get worse. I'm never sure which it is. To be honest, toby really doesn't handle his alcohol all that well. He gets really talkative, and close to your face, and his breath is, well, like a black bear's after feeding on a rotten carcass.

This post has been edited by simpleton01: Mar 6 2009, 08:46 PM

[daisy]

Now, now, me and steve and toby and tbarker are all friends here. No competition for each other whatsoever!

Oh sure, we have our little scrapes and rhubarbs now and then, but who doesn't?

But when the factory whistle blows at 5:00 p.m., and we grab our lunch pails and head out the door, we are mates again. Often we head down to the Goat's Thistle Head Virgin Horse Pub, and have a few pints. (Tbarker, steve says it's your turn to buy. I'm not taking sides here, I'm just passing along information. No need to get uptight.) Toby is a master at darts. Champion of the Goat's Thistle Head Virgin Horse league three years running.

However, at the pool table, I am king. Which is odd, since I never play pool. But I seem to get better after each pint. Or steve and toby and the "t-man," as we call him, all get worse. I'm never sure which it is. To be honest, toby really doesn't handle his alcohol all that well. He gets really talkative, and close to your face, and his breath is, well, like a black bear's after feeding on a rotten carcass.

That's a lovely little vignette, simp. But you know I don't believe a word of it. It's just another pretty tale you've woven for our enjoyment. And that's okay. We like 'em!

But have you ever thought of this? Maybe tbarker is one of Toby's multiple personalities. And if that's the case, there might be any number of new moderators in our future. What fun!

( I would have said that maybe tbarker is one of steve's mulitple personalities, but I like to think steve has a much firmer grasp on reality than that. It gives me comfort and a sense of order in my world.)

[spidermage]

That's a lovely little vignette, simp. But you know I don't believe a word of it. It's just another pretty tale you've woven for our enjoyment. And that's okay. We like 'em!

But have you ever thought of this? Maybe tbarker is one of Toby's multiple personalities. And if that's the case, there might be any number of new moderators in our future. What fun!

( I would have said that maybe tbarker is one of steve's mulitple personalities, but I like to think steve has a much firmer grasp on reality than that. It gives me comfort and a sense of order in my world.)

Daisy's right.

(Question: do we have to suck up to you in every thread?)

[daisy]

Daisy's right.

(Question: do we have to suck up to you in every thread?)

Yes, please! And please use big words and flowery language whenever possible. But keep it sincere and from the heart. That's important.

[spidermage]

Oh most precious flower, tiny hemisphere of sunlight nestling in the folds of pearly petals, who could even try to pluck thee without bowing in supplication? Though the lawn of life is vast, thy bright beauty shines forth as a beacon of wonder for those who weary of the featureless expanse of green.

[Keltik]

Fancy a shag?

[spidermage]

Fancy a shag?

Shags, ducks, guillemots: you know I'm a sucker for all waterfowl.

[Keltik]

Hang on while I give me tailfeathers a quick preen....

[spidermage]

Hang on while I give me tailfeathers a quick preen....

I'm sure there's a product for that: "Mr Preen shines everything clean".

[daisy]

Oh most precious flower, tiny hemisphere of sunlight nestling in the folds of pearly petals, who could even try to pluck thee without bowing in supplication? Though the lawn of life is vast, thy bright beauty shines forth as a beacon of wonder for those who weary of the featureless expanse of green.

Now that's what I call sucking up. Thanks, spidey!